Moving On
Well I have been extremely busy lately and I love it. I am actually enjoying life so much I had forgotten what it’s like to have a life. My new job is wonderful it is so great to be in such a positive environment where everyone gets along and all act like adults. I have time in the evening to hang out with my friends which I really had missed.
I started running again this week and so far have run 3 miles every day so hopefully I will back on track where I was a few years ago within the next few months.
Fertility.. well.. we are out of options for now since the next step is invitro which I don’t see anywhere in the near future. But eventually it will happen so for now I am just back to trying to enjoy life and so far I am doing a pretty good job at it.
Emotional RollerCoaster
Well I had my last day at Delta and it was sad but ok because I will keep in contact with the people that I really care about there. Then the next day is when it all started Wednesday I went in for my preop. In the middle of talking to the nurse I had another nurse come in and need to talk to her for a second. They came back and said they will not be able to do the surgery because I am pregnant. STUPID ME got excited. I told them there was no way that I just had my period that it must still be the fertility drugs so they called my dr. She ordered a blood test to check my HCG levels well sure enough they showed that I was 3 weeks which they actually considered 5 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t believe it I was so excited but I still knew in my own mind it can’t be right and I had been spotting also. So I talked with the dr she wanted me to come in the next day for an exam just to make sure. Well that evening I started cramping and bleeding quite a bit. She did an ultrasound and NO BABY 
she couldn’t really explain it just one of those random things once again!!!!! So they went ahead with the surgery to remove the polyp yesterday. Which I am now glad about cause atleast now I know that if I do ever get pregnant that a miscarriage will be much less likely. So anyways that is my week surgery is over with I am good and now time to move on with my new job and try to take a break from the emotional rollercoaster of trying to get pregnant for a while.
How Quick Life Can Change
I guess I will start with an interview I went to about a month ago. Not expecting to get the job at all I went ahead and went to an Interview at Southcrest Hospital well much to my surprise they called back for a second interview. Well even more of a surprise was when they called me the very next day and offered me the job. Of course I was still not letting my hopes get up to much because I still had to make it through all the extensive background checks that hospitals do. Unfortunately my “fun days” when I was younger was coming back to haunt me. But for once my honesty actually may have landed me the job I was upfront and honest about everything and went for the drug test and TB test and all the other questioning and got a call this week that I have the job. I am sooo excited. Back to the 8-5 world I have missed my weekends and my family so much. The only bad part is I have made a few very close friends in my few months of management that I am going to miss more then anything. It makes me so sad that some of these people have become so much a part of my life and now I will most likely not stay in contact with them as much as I say I will. But this is about my family and that is who I have to make my choices about right now. So there ya go there’s my news.
Next up obviously the last round of infertility treatments did not work since I am not boasting about that. It pretty much sucks since that is the last that we will be able to do for a long time but that’s ok I am just focusing on my family that I do have and getting back in shape for now. My doctor did say that I have had a polyp that has been growing for the past 6 months or so that she has been keeping her eye on and it could interfere with me getting pregnant or even if I did it could cause I miscarriage so she wants to do surgery to get rid of it. So since my boss and I could not agree on what we thought my two weeks notice should be he gave me one week before my last day. Well that worked out for my benefit because now my doctor has squeezed me in next week for my surgery yayyy. Things actually really seem to be going my way for now so hopefully this is a start to a great new part in my life
Graduation
Well Remy finally graduated. He did such a good job. He has now mastered sit, stay, lay down, leave it, crawl, shake, sit pretty, and quite a few others. He is such a good dog, I think that the money spent on the classes was some of the best money that I have spent in a long time.
Other updates. I am in the two week waiting period for my IUI results. Much more numb to the outcome this time I have alot of stuff going on so I am pretty confident that if it doesn’t happen this month that I will be alright and that next year we will see about Invitro. Plus my doctor has been watching a cyst that seems to be growing so she wants to do surgery to remove it if this IUI doesn’t work this month. So who knows I guess we will see in time what happens with all that.
That’s about all that I have going on right now, well a few more things also but not going public with all of that quite yet that’s next weeks blog subject 
Ready for a Break
I am so sick of medicines and doctors and feeling sick constantly. I went back to the doctor today to verify that the last IUI was not successful and of course it was not which I already knew. Soo… she says if I was in my twenties she would not do another IUI because I should have became pregnant by know but since I am older then sometimes it just takes a bit longer so we could try one more round ( if we decided) before we move on to invitro, which ofcourse I had to inform her that invitro is in our far future due to the costs. SO of course since I love putting my body through hell we decided we mine as well do it one more time because if we didn’t then I would feel like maybe that was the last time and it could have worked ( there I go trying to be positive again
So here we go one more month of pumping my body full of crazy chemicals and going through another emotional roller coaster. She did give me a little something to help with that also which I am not so sure about adding more drugs to everything I am already on but what’s one more gonna do right, just kidding kind of. But the point is we are going to try this one last time and then wait it out until we can afford the invitro. So hopefully soon I will either be pregnant or back to normal for a while.
Results
Well the official results are in. They have no idea lol. Kinda fits my luck. They think that there is a possibility that I had a twisted ovary that was causing the pain but like I said before they are not real sure but my new blood tests came back totally normal so whatever it was was just a random freak thing like most things that go on in my life. I guess that’s better then something bad so for now I will just be thankful that I am feeling close to normal again. Not much else going on here except being exhausted from being back at work so maybe on my days off I will get a chance to do something fun.
Emergency Room
Well I got to have my first emergency room experience and it was not nearly as fun as I always thought it would be. Sunday night after work I was having serious stomach cramps so Eric took me to the emergency room and they immediately started running all sorts of tests. We got to the ER at 11:00 Sunday night and about 2:00 Monday afternoon they finally decided that they were going to admit me and monitor me over night. That was some of the longest hours I had ever spent, those doctors bless their hearts knew nothing about artificial insemination’s so were just grasping at straws for hours trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It went from ultrasounds, to ex rays to more ultrasounds and ofcourse blood being taken every few hours in between. Their diagnosis’s ranged from tubal pregnancy to miscarriage to appendix which was not helping my stress level one bit. Eventually early Monday morning they took my advise of finding my regular fertility doctor and getting some advise from her. Thank God she got them all straightened out but she did want me monitored since my white blood count had went through the roof while I was there and was running a pretty bad fever.
Monday afternoon she called me and got me calmed down I could not ever ask for a better doctor she is truly amazing! She called and checked on me that evening and got me out of there as soon as she could Tuesday. I have an appointment with her again in the morning but I think the final conclusion was I got a infection from the IUI which ofcourse happens to less then one percent of people. Anyways I am all better now and just thankful that that experience is in the past and so lucky that I have such a wonderful caring doctor that makes me feel like way more then just a number. Anyways I will try to give an update tomorrow if I find anything else out.
Last Time
Well I went back to the money drainer oops I mean fertility dr today. I have been such an emotional wreck these days it’s crazy. I started crying just talking to her. It appears that I have developed a cyst on one of my tubes that she is starting to get concerned about because she thought that it should have went away by now. She does want to go ahead and do this one last insemination so I will be going in for that tomorrow. Unfortunately this is most likely the last one she will do she said if this one doesn’t work then we need to do some regrouping. She is trying a little different method this time then we have the last few times. Normally I go in for the IUI 36 hours after the “trigger shot” (shot to force ovulation) but this time she is wanting to try it early so I will be going in 24 hours so maybe hopefully our timing has just been off all the times before and this time it will actually work. Ofcourse as always I am trying not to get my hopes up but the past few times I have been pretty pesimistic about it so I am going to try my hardest to remain a little more positive this time and hope for different results.
Other then all that I still have my sweet little Remy which decided to be completely stubborn in class last night and refuse to do any of his commands. I am hoping that he was just burned out of the normal treats I give him so I bout him some duck jerkey that he seemed to really like. I just don’t know what I will do if he isn’t able to graduate his class and we have to take it all over again. Oh well if we do we do atleast he still brings joy to my day every day when he greets me at the door
Lay Down
Well Remy learned a new command in class tonight. He now knows how to sit, lay down, look at me, take it and drop it. I wouldn’t say he is super great at any of them but he’s getting there. I have noticed since I put him in these classes he has been much better behaved which ofcourse makes me love him even more then I already did. I definitely have never seen a dog with as much personality as he has and I wouldn’t ask for it any other way.
SO on to the next subject, I guess since I started blogging about it I mine as well finish. Our unexplained infertility… I started taking my meds for what will probably be my last IUI. The doctor wants to talk to us after this one again and see what we do from here since she doesn’t really suggest any more rounds after this one. So I am praying for a miracle as I do every month that it will finally be my turn. I start back on stupid follistim (shots) on Friday so we will see what happens I guess. SO we will see. I am also toying with an idea of acupuncture that a friend suggested I am very scared of needles even thought that sounds silly since I am able to give my self one every day but who knows maybe that is the thing I have needed all this time, so as soon as I get the courage I may be moving on to that method. Well that’s it for now updates to come.
Bad Remy
Well Eric took the day off today and apparently he didn’t show Remy enough attention. I got an email from Eric this afternoon with the title YOUR DOGG. I believe this was packing from a box that my laptop came in at one point but now is just confetti. The way I look at it was he was just wanting some attention. Eric didn’t admit to any major beatings but I am pretty sure that Remy got a pretty decent one. Ofcourse the first thing I said was awww my poor baby was just wanting some attention. Eric ofcourse thinks that maybe that is part of the problem that he gets to babied from me in the first place. So I guess doggy class should be interesting this week
Remy
Well Remy and I spent St. Patrick’s Day together. A little different then the normal drunken days that I used to have. For some reason drinking just really hasn’t appealed to me these days. So today I took Remy to his first class of doggy training. He did really well except I am learning that my little 6 pound puppy is a bully. He spent most of his class taking the German Shepard’s toys away from him and then almost laughing at him once he did it. Hopefully by the end of his classes he will learn to be not such a little bully. I think he hasn’t figured out that he is not nearly as big as those dogs and that they are fully capable of eating him up. Oh well all in all it was a pretty good day which is alot since the past few weeks have been really hard to say it is a good day. Who knows maybe that’s a sign things are getting better and my hormones are leveling out again. I sure hope so atleast for Eric and all the people that I have to work with on a daily basis.
Feeling Better
Well I am feeling much better today. I think my hormone levels must have just been through the roof or something with all these drugs I have been pumping through my body the past few months and then putting a stop to that and adding the birth control pill just kinda made my body out of wack I guess. So today is a new week and a fresh start. SO far it is only a few hours into my new week but I am feeling quite confident. I woke up early this morning to make sure I would have time to go for a morning run. So not only did I do a 2 mile run this morning I also did my Biggest Looser Bootcamp DVD so I am feeling quite good this morning, lets just hope I can keep this up and a new me will be here before I know it.
Figures..
Well I am going to do something that I don’t do very often. I try my hardest to keep most of my infertility issues partly private, but it is getting to the point that I don’t care who knows anymore. For the past four and half years me and Eric have been trying to conceive with now luck. The doctors don’t have any explanation it is just “unexplained infertility”. So thousands and thousands of dollars later and many IUI’s ( artificial insemination’s) with no results I don’t know where to go from here. I know most people just keep saying that when you give up it will happen but there is one thing that I never do and that is give up on something. So for now we will keep trying. The doctor’s don’t normally recommend more then 6 or 7 IUI’s and I just finished my 5th. Unfortunately last month the medicines that they have me on have caused me to develop a few major cyst’s so they have to put me back on birth control pills for this month in hopes to get rid of them and then next month we can hopefully continue with another IUI.
If it doesn’t happen with the next few IUI’s then they are going to want us to do Invitro Fertilization which once again unfortunately costs about $20,000.00 with insurance not covering a dime of it. SO at that point I will still not give up trying but I don’t see how financially we will be able to afford that, maybe time for a second job again who knows I guess we will see when we get to that point.
Basically that’s all I have going on in my life these days so a little bit of depression is consuming me. I do know that prayer has been said to do wonders. SO my prayers for the past 4 years haven’t done much good so if you read this and believe in the power of prayer I would love it if you could take out a minute and say one for us. At least one thing has come out of me being on the pill this month it gives me time to spend all of my extra time working out so hopefully I will be able to loose a few of these extra pounds that these fertility drugs have put on me
Nothing New
Well I haven’t been able to blog lately because there is just really absolutely nothing going on in my life. The newness of my job has worn off a little so now it’s starting to feel more like work and starting to wonder for sure if I chose the right path. I love it don’t get me wrong but now Eric’s schedule is changing again and basically with me working all weekend it makes it really hard for me to get to spend much time with him and the kids which really sucks. But on the other hand I enjoy what I do and very thankful for the fact that I have a job because there are many out there that aren’t as lucky as me so for that I thank God every day. Working over 50 hours a week doesn’t give me a whole lot of time for much else but I have been enjoying my days off as much as I can.
Hopefully something exciting will be happening soon so I will have more to write about. I am sure the warm weather will bring more writing and pictures
Remy
Not much going on here, we made it through the storm without any problems. I am sooo ready for summertime we have had wayyy to much snow this year I am ready to hang out outdoors. I got one more room in the house painted so it’s slowly but surely starting to look more like ours. Other then that I have just been pretty lazy these days. I took Remy to get fixed last week so I think he is still a little mad at me. Not really but just incase I went and bought him some new outfits and a new squeaky toy. I am so excited about his new Easter and St. Patrick’s Day shirts I will post pics of them soon.
Waiting for the Storm
Well I am stuck inside today. We are supposed to be having an ice storm on it’s way. SO far it’s just a little sleet but it’s supposed to get worse and continue throughout the night. There aren’t many things that I hate worse then driving in ice and snow it scares the crap out of me. One other thing that I am not a fan of is sitting in the house doing nothing so I am a little frustrated today because it’s my day off and I don’t have a whole lot that I can do besides clean. So looks like that’s what my day will consist of.
Other then that there hasn’t been a whole lot going on here. Eric is trying to quit smoking so he has been very grumpy I have found it best just to stay out of his way especially in the morning when he would have been having his morning smoke. Remy is still just as spoiled rotten as ever never thought that it was possible to love a dog so much. Donovan is doing great just keeps getting award after award at school for good grades and other random achievements. Tre well he is still in trouble, he just pretty much seems to stay that way. We are really hoping that it is just a stage that 15 year old boys go through because nothing is seeming to get through to him these days even taking the phone away if you can believe that one.
That’s all I have for now so maybe I will try to post some pictures or something a bit later if I stay bored.
Snazzy Light
Not a whole lot going on this week. The sun has been out the past few days which has been really nice other then that it has kinda been a blah week till today. A few days ago I had someone complain about me at work which really kinda messed with me. In all the years I have worked for the company I have never had someone complain about me but apparently I didn’t feel this lady out like I thought I had. I remember her so well and remember apologizing to her that she had such a bad experience and thinking that I had her leaving perfectly happy well.. apparently not she wrote in a comment card to the corporate office about how horrible her experience was. WOW!!! That’s all I can say still I am in such shock that someone would act like that when she was so nice to my face. But then again lately I am constantly being reminded of how two faced people are. Oh well it just kinda tripped me out but I will get over it.
On a brighter note this is the most awesome light fixture that Jake and Dre got me, I absolutely love it so much! And today is Thursday which is my new favorite day of the week it is one of my days off now and Eric has Thursdays off also which really makes it nice for me and him to be able to spend the day together. Well hopefully I have a better week next week.
Lego Car
Well I said I would blog more so here it is. This is a picture of Donovan and Eric after they put together the remote control lego car that Jake bought for Donovan. His first model and him and Eric were pretty cute putting it together.
It’s cold outside. It has been in the teens all week and I am ready for some warm weather! It’s pretty hard to be motivated to do much but go to work and back in this cold weather so that’s about all that I have been doing the past week. SO for now I just got off work and put my pj’s on and going to watch some football playoffs.
A New Start
Well I said I was going to make a real effort to try to blog a little more and pick up my camera a little more then I did last year so here it goes. Before Christmas I started a project of taking down all the horrible wallpaper in the kitchen. I had no clue exactly how hard of a project this actually was but eventually I got it done. Ofcourse there is a ton more that I have left to do in the kitchen but at least it is a start so I figured I would go ahead and post some of the pictures that I have so far.
There will be much more to come since Jake and Dre got me some awesome light fixtures from IKEA that just got put up so I will have some more pics of those very soon. So as you can tell my life is pretty busy with home projects these days with alot more to come.
New Year
It’s 2010, another year has flown by with all kinds of unexpected changes and turns. I can’t say it was my most favorite of years but alot better then some also. But that is all in the past and it’s a New year a new start. I won’t be making any “resolutions” once again this year last year I didn’t make any and it seemed to work out just fine for me, no disappointments when I don’t keep them that way.
I have a feeling this is going to be quite and interesting year. Tre will be 15 this week so one year from now we will be celebrating his 16th Birthday. I love the boy but goodness the thought of him driving a car absolutely scares me to death, but we have another year or 6 months before Drivers Ed time so maybe the maturity jean will kick in a higher gear before then. Then there is my job which I actually really love which is kinda crazy I didn’t think it would work out this well, but ofcourse having a job with that you love with not the money that you love kinda sucks but as I learned from my last job peace of mind and less money is sometimes a much better deal.
Well I have been working very hard on “relaxing” because apparently I am not very good at that. I am always on the go or starting a project or something, so for now I am going to TRY to go watch tv or do absolutely nothing we will see how well that works out.
As I have said many times before I am going to work on updating more often and for sure work on posting more pictures.
